I stood there laying out all my sins on the table for all to see and judge me. But at the same time, I felt naughty, sexual, like a predator willing prey to fall into my trap, all while introducing myself to hopefully, my new support group, Sex Addicts Anonymous.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
That is what it's like to be me. Constantly always aware and on the hunt when all you want to do is enjoy a fucking movie. It's like I can see these waves of phermones coming off my body, and I cant stop them.
Am I the only one like this? Do others feel this too? It's a question I'm really asking myself, then and right now. When people speak so highly of me, I feel like such a phony. Yeah, I did those nice things but does that outweigh the sexual tension I get for things I shouldnt? Then I hear the people that doubt what I'm feeling like, they say I'm just using it as an excuse tobe selfish.
Am i a selfish person?
I dont think that I am. i just want my partner, my children and a fucking pig with a green house and blue picket fence. I want to be happy, drama-free. Why wouldnt I want that?
Is there a cure?
I'm fighting through it now and I plan to win, but with so many odds and such little support, what's the chances of me not losing it? What are the chances that I can truly subdue that other side of me on my own?
I just want to be happy,so for now, I shall document my crazy, my cravens, doubts, fear and imagination.