Sometimes I'm so obsessed with my husband. Every time I think of him, I get wet. how many people can say that about their husband after ten years? I find myself wanting him more and more. I choose to be obsessed with him though. It's a healthy obsession you can say. I am choosing to believe him because I forgive him for hurting me. He truly did nothing wrong except to not consider me, and that hurt more than anything. That is what I forgive him for but a bitch ain't forgetting shit.
At the end of the day I got to marry my dream side nigga. Every day I want to fuck him. Honestly though, I lost myself in the role of loving him. I wanted to be his everything, I dressed for him. This year I learned I couldn't be everything, it was physically impossible and mentally exhausting. I was trying so hard to capture his eye so he would stop looking at another, outside of my boundary line. I ended up relying on his compliments for my self esteem.
If anyone looks me, they know I'm not about that hurt life. I shaved off all my hair, rebelling against his ideal of long hair. When I look in the mirror, I see me again. I see my idea of beauty. He seems to love me even more these days. I love it, and I work to not be suspicious of it. My instincts already searching for old patterns of behavior. My mind though has had enough. My heart has had enough. He will get his clean slate because one more time, is one more than enough.
I hope to find the faith and trust in my husband that was lost.
