Some days is harder than others. I'll go through these moments feeling as if I'm "cured" and that I can't possibly have another episode. I'd feel way to wonderful to possibly go through that again. I stop thinking about it. I move on.
Now I'm back here again, she's back here, the beast inside. She has awakened and she suffocates me. I feel her in my throat when I'm alone with my thoughts. I feel her in my eyes, looking outside when I speak to people. She intoxicates my mind when I am at my lowest and she takes control of my body when I can no longer fight.
I feel her growing stronger with each passing day. Everyday I search for help from my loved ones, but they don't see her, they only see me and I am only a shell holding on for dear life.
There is not a horny bone in my body. I do not want sex, or to be fucked or degraded. Yet, all I can think about is degradation and destruction. My body yearns to explode with the sexual pain and destruction that can only satisfy the depraved.
I don't want it.
And no one SEES me, so I am left with her, alone, afraid and crying for help once again.