I tried it. I thought if I succeeded in the American dream, there's a pocket of happiness waiting at the end of the Red, white and blue rainbow. We are not all built the same. I feel so ungrateful and even whiny for expressing my dismay.
When it comes down to it, I'm just a forest nymph looking to go home.
I thought with enough combined success I could buy my freedom. Instead, I feel more like a shell surrounded by pretty things. My husband reminded me today that I haven't rejuvenated my spirit. I haven't oiled my machine, instead as usual, I used my resources to help those around me. Sometimes he makes me sound like a saint. Selfless.... that's who he said I was. Don't selfless people feel fulfilled in their deeds to others?
I'm not selfless... I'm just desperate to be free. Those around me just happened to be lucky to benefit from my everlasting inner struggle to survive outside the system.
I need to find home, because I'm sinking in a beautiful boat.
