Monday, May 18, 2015

Mountains and mole hills

There are times when I feel like nothing in the world can possibly disturb the little Utopia I have built. The foundation between my partner and I cannot be shaken. We are the exception...

Then a barely attractive, disrespectful piece of shit with no understanding that the feminist movement has happened walks passes my sight.


I need to make them lick the shit off my boot and beg for more.....

Now usually, these kinds of characters are few and far between. But no sooner do I get over one hill, a fucking montain appears. Not any mountain either, fuck Everest, I'm talkiing Kilimanjaro.

Fortunately for me, (not saying that anything would have gone down either) he himself is a reforming addict, which makes it harder yet easier to deeal with such a mountain. Meeting a genuine addict and not just some nympho is huge for me. Most days I feel so alone, constantly dealing with posers who think three hour masturbation makes you an addict.

I spoke to my partner about the Mountain that appeared in my life. Communication is the most important thing in my relationship. Not only does it keep my partner informed but it stops me from being as pursuant because I know my partner is aware. That is what works for me in my world at the moment.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

What is Sexual Addiction for 300

So what is sexual addiction?

Sexual addiction has many aspects to it. It actually doesn't always deal with person to person intercourse. 

Ha, intercourse. 

As a matter of fact, my sexual addiction has not much to do with the direct act of sex. 

It's more like the addiction to a certain intensity of energy that most receive from the act of sex, or the acts leading up to sex. That energy is obtained through masturbation, flirtation, sex,  and sexually charged interaction. 

It becomes an addiction when you constantly seek that energy even when it hurts yourself and others constantly.

 It's an addiction when it becomes a subconscious need like any other drug or habit. 

I'm addicted to getting to know people that catch my attention. I need to feel their energy and manipulate it to my own wants and needs. It happens so often I don't even know that I'm doing it. 
That energy for me is obtained through flirting. I love the feeling and excitement of exploring other human beings. It's like reading an amazing book. 

After awhile though my energy intertwining in their energy begins  to get dark and manifests into something neither one of us directly want. 

Sometimes the energy becomes so dark, a monster inside of me is creates and itching to be triggered and released. My own subconscious becomes quiet until the person I am is in a daze, unaware, experiencing a sorta sleep. 

Then I'm simply just gone. 

The memories of what I've done are usually fuzzy. The pain of regret is in my heart and all I can do is just cry. 

That is sex addiction.