Mountains and mole hills

There are times when I feel like nothing in the world can possibly disturb the little Utopia I have built. The foundation between my partner and I cannot be shaken. We are the exception...

Then a barely attractive, disrespectful piece of shit with no understanding that the feminist movement has happened walks passes my sight.

AND I NEED TO DESTROY IT

I need to make them lick the shit off my boot and beg for more.....

Now usually, these kinds of characters are few and far between. But no sooner do I get over one hill, a fucking montain appears. Not any mountain either, fuck Everest, I'm talkiing Kilimanjaro.

Fortunately for me, (not saying that anything would have gone down either) he himself is a reforming addict, which makes it harder yet easier to deeal with such a mountain. Meeting a genuine addict and not just some nympho is huge for me. Most days I feel so alone, constantly dealing with posers who think three hour masturbation makes you an addict.

I spoke to my partner about the Mountain that appeared in my life. Communication is the most important thing in my relationship. Not only does it keep my partner informed but it stops me from being as pursuant because I know my partner is aware. That is what works for me in my world at the moment.

To addict or not to addict; that is not the question.

"My name is Gia, and I'm a sex addict."

 I stood there laying out all my sins on the table for all to see and judge me. But at the same time, I felt naughty, sexual, like a predator willing prey to fall into my trap, all while introducing myself to hopefully, my new support group, Sex Addicts Anonymous. 

 What the fuck is wrong with me? 

That is what it's like to be me. Constantly always aware and on the hunt when all you want to do is enjoy a fucking movie. It's like I can see these waves of phermones coming off my body, and I cant stop them. 

Am I the only one like this? Do others feel this too? It's a question I'm really asking myself, then and right now. When people speak so highly of me, I feel like such a phony. Yeah, I did those nice things but does that outweigh the sexual tension I get for things I shouldnt? Then I hear the people that doubt what I'm feeling like, they say I'm just using it as an excuse tobe  selfish. 

Am i a selfish person? 

I dont think that I am. i just want my partner, my children and a fucking pig with a green house and blue picket fence. I want to be happy, drama-free. Why wouldnt I want that? 

Is there a cure?

I'm fighting through it now and I plan to win, but with so many odds and such little support, what's the chances of me not losing it? What are the chances that I can truly subdue that other side of me on my own?

Sigh....

I just want to be happy,so for now, I shall document my crazy, my cravens, doubts, fear and imagination.